Fun Mom Songs and How to Raise Independent Children

Hillary Weeks



Mom Song Anita Renfroe
Anita is incredibly creative and fun and I did enjoy the video, but I started thinking about how this is a very real parenting style. I have been around moms like this. It is exhausting for the mom, and the kids totally tune out. It is true that a mom's work never ends, but do our mouths really need to run like this all day? Picture having to watch this video everyday. How long would it take for you to start ignoring her? How capable is a child that has to be told everything to do and micro managed on every aspect of his life? It actually cripples him.

I remember a friend of my daughter commenting on the fact that my two little girls could make toast and a peanut butter sandwich at age 3 and her 13 year old brother still couldn't make a sandwich. My style of parenting is a more hands off approach(except for lots and lots of hugs). The concept is....anything the child can do for themselves, I let them do. Some of the things this includes are: keeping track of their own appointments and carpools, reminding me about their activities (not the other way around), making their own appointments, doing their homework and reports by themselves, waking up and getting themselves ready for school, learn cooking and start doing their own laundry at age 8.

Do you know children whose parents were depressed or disinterested and the child had to become the adult? I don't carry it THAT far. But the principle is still there. The kids will rise to the occasion. If we give them responsibility they will become responsible.

My theory is that I am raising a child to be completely independent by age 18, with every skill necessary when they are thrown into the real world. This means they need to have self management, be able to cook, clean, shop, manage money, earn money, manage time, be a hard worker, know life skills. If I do everything for them, I get tired and they learn very little. If I am always doing everything for them, when they move out and don't have me around to help them, they won't know what to do or even how to think. I know it might sound selfish to have your children do so much but I have seen the results. I would rather have them doing too much for themselves now and find the real world easy than the other way around. I think my older kids can tell you that there wasn't much of an adjustment period when they moved out. They felt like competent adults at age 12. This method develops confident, competent human beings. Instead of me being a worn out, do everything for everyone mother, who nobody listens to, I have more time and my kids become independent. Which method do you prefer?
Authors note:
I don't want to come off looking like I'm the perfect mother. I do think there are many styles of parenting. Here are the comments from my grown kids. Mindy said "I agree that I was very independent, but I also wished growing up that I had a mom that took care of me more. But, maybe that's just me, and I definitely wouldn't be who I am today if you were any different." And Jade said that she didn't like going to the grocery store as much as I made her go. Maybe the real point of this post is to remember to have moderation in all things:)
Here is another perspective. I believed that kids should do their own reports and projects and I didn't help them with these, but I was talking to my sister the other night and her fondest memories were helping her children with their projects. I can see that it could have been some fun family time if that was the intention.
I know each of us do the best we can. For me it is helpful to hear how others view things, so I can choose the best way for me. Hope these ideas helped.

Treating Children as you Would a Stranger

A friend of my daughters sent this poem to her. I'm not sure who wrote it.
F A M I L Y
I ran into a stranger as he passed by, 'Oh excuse me please' was my reply. He said, 'Please excuse me too;
I wasn't watching for you. We were very polite, this stranger and I. We went on our way and we said goodbye.
But at home a different story is told, How we treat our loved ones, young and old. Later that day, cooking the
evening meal, My son stood beside me very still. When I turned, I nearly knocked him down. 'Move out of the
way,' I said with a frown. He walked away, his little heart broken. I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.
While I lay awake in bed, God's still small voice came to me and said, 'While dealing with a stranger, common
courtesy you use, but the family you love, you seem to abuse...
Go and look on the kitchen floor, You'll find some flowers there by the door. Those are the flowers he brought
for you. He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue. He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,you
never saw the tears that filled his little eyes. 'By this time, I felt very small, And now my tears began to fall...
I quietly went and knelt by his bed; 'Wake up, little one, wake up,' I said. 'Are these the flowers you picked for
me?' He smiled, 'I found 'em, out by the tree. I picked 'em because they're pretty like I knew you'd like 'em,
especially the blue.' I said, 'Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today; I shouldn't have yelled at you that way.'
He said, 'Oh, Mom, that's okay. I love you anyway.' I said, 'Son, I love you too, and I do like the flowers, especially
the blue.'
I know we have all been there. We all can get impatient. I hope we remember how much our children love us, and treat them as we would a friend. In a few years we are going to want that kind of relationship with them. I have two married daughters and I know how fast kids grow.
My youngest daughter left this outside my bedroom door as she left on a trip this morning. Children are so sweet!!!!!

Thanks Cutie Pie! I'm going to miss you too!!!!!

Self Management

Blessed be the person who has nothing to say who refrains from giving wordy evidence to that fact.
--George Eliot, pen name of Mary Ann Evans

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."
Wayne Dyer Psychotherapist, Author and Speaker

"You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him." Leo Aikman

Solomon in all his wisdom made this meaningful statement: “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.” (Prov. 16:32.)

How Do You Make Decisions?

Values and Purpose
Intuition
Logic and information
Expert Advice
Feelings and Emotion
Fate and Chance
Divine Guidance
Past Experiences

Evaluate how you normally make decisions. Now ask yourself which one you never use to make a choice. What if you had a decision to make and you stepped into each one of these and tried it on for size. There might be some benefits.
When I did this exercise in coaching school, I generally made decisions out of Divine Guidance and Logic and Information. After exploring myself more and learning and growing as a person, I went back a year later and did the exercise again and was surprised that my decision making process expanded into more areas, I hadn't been using.
The exercise was this. They made a big wheel on the floor out of tape. The wheel was divided into categories. Each piece of the pie was labeled one of these. We were to walk around the wheel and stand in each section and see what it felt like to make a decision each way. After we had gone around the circle, each person had to pick the one they used the most and tell why. Then we had to go stand in the piece of pie that we used the least and tell why. What was interesting about this was that you heard each person's perspective. They each made a lot of sense. I could see the benefits of using different methods. Sometimes we get into our box and don't want to do things a different way. I realized that the other perspectives were valid and useful. Now when making a decision, I have so many more ways of looking at things and deciding.

My Mission Statement

Mission Statements evolve over time. What is nice about writing one is putting it up on your bathroom mirror and reading it each day. When you say these positive things and know where you are going, your day starts out better with clearer direction.

My Mission Statement
I savor each moment of my life as a positive, grateful, happy, wife, mother, homemaker and successful business woman and coach who delegates, serves and helps others rise to greatness.
I am a strong, spiritual, healthy, organized and an energetic whole person who is self disciplined, a goal getter, who has deep, meaningful and fun relationships with family, friends and colleagues.

Self Mastery

"I am the captain of my soul.I am the master of my fate."-- William Hanley

David O. McKay urged us to remember that “the greatest battle of life is fought out within the silent chambers of your own soul”

The Greek philosopher Epectitus also declared that “No man is free who is not master of himself.” This again is plain because he who does not control his impulses, emotions and desires permits himself to be their slave by following them at every turn. A slave, as we know, is one without freedom but does the bidding of his master to satisfy the latter’s every whim which usually leads to destruction and death.

Spencer W. Kimball quoted an unknown author as follows: “The height of a man’s success is gauged by his self-mastery; the depth of his failure by his self-abandonment. … He who cannot establish a dominion over himself will have no dominion over others. He who masters himself shall be king”

Plato said: “The first and best victory is to conquer self; to be conquered by self is, of all things, the most shameful and vile.”

Leonardo da Vinci once said: “You will never have a greater or lesser dominion than that over yourself.” Then he goes on to say that “the height of a man’s success is gauged by his self-mastery; the depth of his failure by his self-abandonment